Are you an Empath?

Interview Episode with Jennifer Moore

Jennifer: [: 00:00:00

And I think before we can even start to discern what's ours, what's not ours, whether or not we're experiencing empathic overwhelm, or whether we are just really having a spin out and having kind of a meltdown on a difficult day, we really need to acknowledge our empathic sensitivity and the fact that it is affecting us.

read you a little bit of her [: 00:01:00

So, Jennifer Moore is author of Amazon Bestseller, Empathic Mastery, one of EFT International, 122 Master Trainers in EFT, if you've heard of tapping, that's what that's about. And a mentor and healer for other highly sensitive empathic women. Intuitive from the get go. Jennifer experienced her first prophetic dream when she was age nine, and she's been navigating her extra sensory awareness ever since.

Supporting intuitives, light workers and creatives to use their abilities for good is Jen's greatest passion. I love that. I love that. Thank you for being here, Jen.

Jennifer: Oh, Laurin, thank you so much for having me here. It is just such a delight.

Laurin: Yeah, we're gonna have fun.

Jennifer: We are. I know it.

Laurin: We're already having fun.

Jennifer: Exactly. Yeah.

empathic until very late in [: 00:02:00

Jennifer: Absolutely. So first off, I wanna say that there isn't necessarily like a DSM definition of what it means to be an empath. It's not a pathology, it's a word. And different people have really different meanings, so I'll share my perspective and my meaning, which is that an empath is a person who picks up the thoughts, the feelings, the energy, sometimes the will and desire and intentions of the world around them.

ple who have extrasensory or [: 00:03:00

And so even though we pick all the thoughts, the feelings, the energy and sensations up from the world around us, we experience it as if it's our own. And this makes for challenging, especially in a world that seems to be kind of on fire right now. And so, it's very, very easy to really feel like you're drowning in the emotional soup.

Right. You know, as a highly sensitive, empathic person right now.

Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. I grew up in a pretty volatile family and it was, it was a hard place to be and everybody would say, why are you crying all the time? And it was cause I was overwhelmed.

is that very frequently the [: 00:04:00

Nothing to see here folks. The empath does not have that luxury and a lot of times the empath is not just experiencing the emotions of their own, but is picking up on all of the unspoken messages, all of the emotional things that are happening that other people are attempting to suppress or deny.

Laurin: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I didn't know I was doing that at the time, but looking back, I can see where I was always scanning the horizon for who's about to go off, who's, who's really mad and it hasn't popped yet. You know.

Jennifer: Yes, yes, yes.

Laurin: Maybe I should leave now.

ly a real correlation between[: 00:05:00

I actually don't agree with that because if that was the case, everybody on the planet would be an empath.

Laurin: Unfortunately, yes.

Jennifer: But there is this sort of, I do believe that trauma or difficult experiences and adverse childhood experiences amplifies our empathic sensitivity and may activate it within some of us. But I do believe that just like some people are just naturally gifted as basketball players, some of us are just naturally more sensitive than other people.

my, my family of origin. So [: 00:06:00

Jennifer: What are, what an amazing question. I mean, and I just wanna say that they don't have to be mutually exclusive either that, you know?

Laurin: I was saying it, I was like…

Jennifer: Yeah, sometimes it's both. So, I mean, there are a couple things that I have found to be the case and one of the things you just already said, it is like you grew up feeling like you were being overly sensitive.

If there's anything that seems to be consistent is like empaths very frequently have been told since they were very, very small. You're overreacting taking it too personally. Oh, you've got an overactive imagination. You are worrying too much about it. Just let it go. Stop worrying about it.

es in family systems that are[: 00:07:00

Laurin: Mm-hmm.

Jennifer: I would say that in my experience so far, actually, I have yet to meet a single person for whom those things were not basically a denial on the part of the people who did not want us to acknowledge what was really going on. And that I have yet to meet an empath who was overreacting. So, in some ways, I guess I would say, what if we start by stop gaslighting ourselves?

You know that we've been gas lit for such an incredibly long time. Most of us who are highly sensitive and empathic, that we are like that. We are buying into the idea that we're being a drama queen, that we're buying into the idea that we've taken it too personally.

we can even start to discern [: 00:08:00

And so, for me, the first step because I, my book, Empathic Mastery is all about how to navigate being highly sensitive and empathic. And one of the things that I found was that a lot of the advice out there is all about putting up the bubble of light and sort of protecting yourself. But what I found is that we have to recognize that we are empaths and we have to recognize when we are in a state of distress.

possible that we are having [: 00:09:00

But I think that most of the time, and certainly in my travels, in my experience, this has been consistently the case, is that we are picking up on something. So I, what I would say is the first, like I would be more inclined to say, let's just imagine for right now that if you are having a strong feeling about something, there is a good reason why you're having a strong feeling about something.

y becoming our own enforcer. [: 00:10:00

We start saying it to ourselves. Yeah.

Laurin: Yeah. That, that ugly little voice inside that goes, why are you feeling this way? This is, there's this blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know?

Jennifer: Yeah, there's, there's, there's nothing going on. And that's actually, you know, that's one of for me, that's one of the telltale giveaways that I'm having experiencing what I call empathic overwhelm, is that if I look at the surface of my life and I'm willing to be honest with myself, like if I'm in complete denial about the fact that I've got a situation that is falling apart and I just don't want it to, then that's kind of my drama.

ing all the boxes and going, [: 00:11:00

But I'm experiencing a level of either like sort of low-grade distress or sometimes real, you know, high level panic and there's nothing going on in my life that correlates to it, I have found that generally that means that I am picking up on something that is not mine.

Laurin: So, is there a way that you can share with us about how to begin to discern what's mine and what's not mine?

y, is that the first part of [: 00:12:00

That we are sensitive. And, you know, I was having a, a conversation with my husband the other day, and we're coming up on our 21st wedding anniversary in September, and yet I just had this conversation the other day where I was kind of like, do you have emotionally volatile days where you just feel really out of sorts and weird for no reason whatsoever?

or the most part it's pretty [: 00:13:00

Whereas there are some of us where it's like the tide comes in and it goes out and we're just constantly feeling emotional intensity. And the reason that I bring this up is because I've really like, I just keep on getting at a deeper and deeper level, oh, not everybody is like this.

Because if you are somebody who is emotionally title for, you know, and just thinking about the tides coming and going, then it, it's sort of, it's really easy to imagine everybody has to contend with this. And lately I've really been getting, specially watching the coping skills of some people with the pandemic and the lack of coping skills with others, with the pandemic, that there are a number of people who just do not experiencing the same level of emotional volatility that some of us do.

ecognizing ourself as highly [: 00:14:00

Why am I so broken? Instead of all those sort of reactions that we were sort of trained to do, we can then start saying, oh, I'm feeling something. I wonder what's going on. So, sort of within this first step of recognizing, it's like there's sort of three layers to it. And the first part is just acknowledging that we're empathic.

feels like we're not on our [: 00:15:00

n. And then there's also the [: 00:16:00

So I have found that to be an incredibly helpful question, just starting with, is this mine? And then when we get the answer yes and, or it's both yours and somebody else's, or something else's, then I ask the second piece of the question, which is what's mine and what's not mine? And the answer.

When I get the answer of what is mine? Then my job is to neutralize and calm down those triggers within me that are reacting to things and to then let go of and release the stuff that is no longer serving me. And so, a lot of times, again, I will put my hand over my heart and I will say, I send back this energy that does not serve me.

[: 00:17:00

Laurin: Mm-hmm.

ble with our own discomfort, [: 00:18:00

We will go in and sort of like, we'll volunteer ourselves to fix the problem for a very good reason, which is that we feel better when other people feel better. And so if somebody is in a state of distress and we're picking it up and we don't know how to sit with that kind of distress because we grew up in a family where it was not okay to be upset and maybe we had a drama queen parent who you know, stopped the world and having an emotion.

tes other people's emotional [: 00:19:00

And so, having that capacity to allow it to be okay that we're feeling distressed and allow it to be okay that somebody else is feeling distress, means that we are not going to be immediately feeling this sense of urgency. This situation is wrong and broken and I need to go fix it immediately.

Laurin: Okay. Yeah, that's, I think I trained myself with meditation to quiet myself down enough to go, wait a minute, this is not all mine. Or maybe this is not mine at all, but it, I, I learned during a really hard part of my life in the last few years that when I get like this, you know, and I'm just overwhelmed, I need to go meditate because that quiets things down enough so I can hear the truth of what's going on, and then it's much easier to get perspective on it.

the thing is we really need [: 00:20:00

And I could go off on an entire tangent about why the models of dealing with difficult past events and trauma and the healing modalities we've been using for the last like psychotherapy hundred of years of talking our way out of these things is just the most uneffective way to deal with it.

ink clearly. And so, we need [: 00:21:00

But we have to find a way to sort of get all of that to stand down in order to be able to understand what's going on, what's ours and what's not ours. And you know, when I first started doing this work, it was like it could take me a couple days to back out of a skid. At this point in time, I can, there are times where when it feels like there's another sort of global surge on the verge of happening where I might feel really sort of wonky and outta sorts for a couple days.

l and recalibrate ourselves. [: 00:22:00

Laurin: Yeah, yeah. It's I, I get hit by waves every now and then.

Jennifer: Yes, I do too.

Laurin: You know, I'll be sitting here, you know, minding my own business, and this emotion will crash over me. And it's usually distress. It's usually some difficult emotion, not, not joy. I'd like to be hit by joy, but sometimes you get that too.

Jennifer: Isn’t that be lovely? Well, and for some reason, and I think that this is in many ways, this is kind of conditioning of us as a species. I mean, it's like for every emotional, like we don't on this planet at this very moment, there are as many people, you know, falling in love and having sex with their beloved for the very first time.

[: 00:23:00

People who are in the ocean and floating on the, on the most perfect temperature water. People who are like holding a puppy and falling in love. Like there are so many of these things that are going on simultaneously to people leaving their home in a war-torn country, to people grieving the death of a loved one.

es, we have been cognitively [: 00:24:00

Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. I had never thought about it that way, but boy, as you were describing all those joyful things, my heart was just like.

Jennifer: I could see you.

Laurin: Yeah.

Jennifer: Receiving it. One of the things about joy that I've been realizing is that, as, you know, as an empath and especially growing up in kind of America at a time like just sort of like growing up in volatility.

s. And this is where so many [: 00:25:00

Laurin: Mm-hmm.

Jennifer: You know, and I think that the reason why gratitude is such a powerful tool is because when we use gratitude, we start pivoting away from looking at what's wrong and instead pivoting towards or turning towards what's right. And so, a gratitude practice is a really good place to start with focusing on or accessing that joy.

But then we can sort of take it to another level where we start being like, what if I just scan for the joy instead of scanning for the misery? Yeah.

Laurin: Yeah. Brilliant, brilliant.

Jennifer: It's really simple, but you know.

Laurin: But we're not wired for that.

ed that cause us to do these [: 00:26:00

But I do actually believe that it, that we are wired for joy. We are wired for pleasure; we are wired to be seeing the beauty in things. And it's almost like, we've been drinking the Kool-Aid and buying this bill of goods for thousands of years now about looking for what's the wrong things instead of the right things.

Laurin: That's why one of my go-to practices when I'm feeling overwhelmed is to go to the woods. I live in a beautiful part of Virginia. We have ancient trees here. We have a lot of parks that are just gorgeous wooded parks, and in the pandemic, I spend a lot of time in them because they're nothing but joy.

Jennifer: Mm-hmm.

birds and the, you know, and [: 00:27:00

Jennifer: We are fine. We are fine. And looking, I find I spend, I also spend a lot of time outside in nature walking on the ground, looking at the, you know, talking to the insects and the flowers and the plants. But I also spend a lot of time looking up at the sky and looking at the clouds and just really being in nature.

And I've had the same experience where, you know, well yes, there is the awareness of climate crisis and yes, there are all of these things that are going on. When I reconnect to nature, I am reminded of, I am reminded of a time that exists far outside of human, human experience where I get a perspective about sort of the process that we're in as opposed to this sort of human sense of urgency that we're all caught up in.

Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. It's lovely.

Jennifer: Yeah.[: 00:28:00

Laurin: All right, I think we'll pivot to my rapid-fire questions.

Jennifer: Okay, that sounds wonderful.

Laurin: Yeah, and these are just for fun. I ask everybody the same questions.

I don't know what I'm gonna do with the answers, but I get a kick out of hearing them all the time. So, and I always learn something. So, who is or was the wisest person in your life?

Jennifer: Oh, my goodness. My advisor. I mean, I've met many, many amazingly wise people over my lifetime, but I immediately think of my, my advisor, Jerry Henspicker. When I was in graduate school, I went to the oldest Protestant seminary in the country, and Jerry was a UCC minister who specializes in conflict management, and he had the most gentle, sweet, and curious demeanor.

red me to approach life, and [: 00:29:00

Laurin: Mm, Nice. What a gift.

Jennifer: Yeah, I was really lucky. He wasn't my advisor and I had this vivid dream and I was taking a class with him and I had this vivid dream that I, that he had huge angel wings and I was a little girl and I went and I sat on his lap and I knew he was supposed to be my advisor. And so, I left the advisor that was sort of more on paper, looked more aligned with me.

And I just said, would you be my advisor? And he said, sure. And I'm just so grateful too that I did that because he really, he was just a fantastic advisor. He was really helpful.

rin: Nice. All right. What's [: 00:30:00

Jennifer: I have so many, but I think I would say sleep.

Laurin: That's a good one.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Laurin: I haven't had anybody say sleep yet.

Jennifer: Wow. I mean, it's like it's, I just, you know, sleep just makes everything better. If I can get a good night's sleep and I can just sort of hit the restart button and, and just let it all, like let everything drop.

Laurin: Yeah.

Jennifer: Life is like I'm light as rain the next day.

Laurin: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sleep is magical when you get enough of it.

Jennifer: Exactly.

Laurin: What lights you up when you're feeling down?

his January. And just if I'm [: 00:31:00

Laurin: Yep.

Jennifer: The most loving dog we have ever had.

Laurin: Oh, that's great. That's great. And do you have a favorite mantra or affirmation?

Jennifer: Yes, I have a couple. So, the one that really is, it's sort of a prayer slash affirmation mantra that came through me sort of towards the beginning of the pandemic. And it really is my anchoring mantra. It is really the thing that just restores me and restores my sense of, of safety. And it is, it is from the sacred heart that I was born.

uity and pulls me out of the [: 00:32:00

Laurin: Nice. Yeah, I really like that one. That one feels great.

Jennifer: Doesn't it feel good?

Laurin: Yeah, it feels really good.

Jennifer: It's really stabilizer for me.

Laurin: I put my hand on my heart today.

Jennifer: Yeah. Oh

Laurin: Like, Ooh,

Jennifer: Good.

Laurin: All right. Well, can you tell the listeners where they can find you online?

Jennifer: Absolutely. So, the easiest place to go is my, my website. That's kind of like where it all starts and it all ends, which is empathicmastery.com.

Laurin: Okay. And you have something free there.

e bunch of stuff and sort of [: 00:33:00

Where I offer master classes on the full moon or around the full moon every single month. They're usually like two-hour master classes, and these are the real thing. They are not some, you know, they're not some kind of watered down little pink spoon where really what I'm trying to do is sell you into a class.

These are standalone courses where you can come in and get support because we need all hands on deck right now. We need every, we, we are awakening as a species to our empathic sensitivity because I believe we ourselves in the body of this earth. We are not individuals. We are part of an organism that is so much greater than ourselves.

, but especially the turning [: 00:34:00

And you know, at the end of master classes, I will share information about how you can continue to do more work with me. But like I said, they are just like full-fledged courses that offer real solid tools for making a difference in your life.

Laurin: That sounds lovely. So, is that a community that's active other than the master classes?

eathing life into it back in [: 00:35:00

And people who are engaging and there's like a daily post with like, questions and prompts and inviting people to interact. I also do I have like once a month, I have Tablon Tuesday.

Laurin: Hmm.

Jennifer: I also have a Tarot Tuesday. And then during other special times of the year, like we just did a really spectacular ceremony, meditation for Lions Gate.

and there was no, it wasn't [: 00:36:00

Laurin: Oh my gosh.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Laurin: Wow. That's cool. That sounds like a great group.

Jennifer: I think it is. I mean, I might be a little biased, but it's, it's a wonderful place and there are a lot of, there's a, it's a place for support if you are recognizing yourself as a highly sensitive empathic person.

Laurin: It sounds a bit like a sanctuary.

Jennifer: Yes.

Laurin: You know? Yeah. So that that would, I can see where that would be really, really useful especially for those who aren't navigating it very easily on there.

of a lot of like anxiety and [: 00:37:00

This is a group that's very curated in the sense that we moderate a lot.

And so, it's a place where your, your authenticity is really welcome. Your truth is really welcome and 100% responsibility is also really welcome. So, it's a place where, you know, it's sort of like part of what's expected if you are part of this and participating, is that, to quote, can I say a, a sort of a, a semi off color word here.

Okay, so as Will Wheaton would say, don’t be a dick. Like, Yeah, don't be a dick. And that's basically one of, that's the fundamental rule in our group is don't be a dick. And also, you know, like don't be a victim. Yeah.

here you really could find a [: 00:38:00

Jennifer: I have the book Empathic Mastery, and if somebody's listening and they wanna jump over to the book, you can. They're I dedicated to URL that makes it really easy. EmpathicMasterybook.com.

Laurin: Mm-hmm.

Jennifer: And if you just go to my website, Empathic Mastery, you can find the book there as well.

Laurin: Yep. Yep. It's pretty easy to find.

Jennifer: Easy to find. Yeah.

Laurin: All right. So, all of the links to all of these things will be in the show notes for those of you listening. And so, you can go back there. You don't have to write them all down. You can go find them at your favorite podcast site. Yeah. So, I think we've gotten to the end of our talk. Thank you so much for joining. This has been wonderful.

Jennifer: Oh, Laurin, it's been such a pleasure. We just, this time just whizzed by.

Laurin: It did. It really did. And, and yeah, it just, I feel like I could sit down and talk to you for hours.

Jennifer: We could, I'm sure. Yeah. I was like, And then this and this and this.

Laurin: [: 00:39:00

Jennifer: Yeah. Sounds good.

Laurin: I think we’re gonna have you back.

Jennifer: I would love that. That sounds wonderful.

Laurin: I wanna thank our listeners for being here with us today. I hope you found some nuggets of wisdom and I hope you found some things to get curious about. And I hope that you will join us here on Curiously Wise next week on Tuesday, we release a new episode, and we'll have more great conversations and more things to get curious about. So, stay curious and I'll see you next week.

Thank you so much for joining us today on Curiously Wise. If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to subscribe so you don't miss future fabulous conversations. And if you had any ahas, please share them in a review on Apple Podcasts, so we can continue to pay forward the unique wisdom we all have.

ase head over to my website. [: 00:40:00

Curiously Wise is a team effort. I am grateful for the skill and enthusiasm. Arlene Membrot, our producer, and Sam Wittig, our audio engineer bring to this collaboration. Our music is Where the Light Is by Lemon Music Studio.

I'm Laurin Wittig. Please join me again next week for another episode of Curiously Wise. From my heart to yours, may your life be filled with love, light, joy, and of course, curiosity.