The Transformative Power of Midlife with Dr. Andrea Slominski

Interview episode with Andrea Slominski

Andrea: [: 00:00:00

Right. How tall am I? Mm-hmm. You know, how much have I grown? How am I doing in school? All these different, you know, physical markers, maturing, ally, sexually, whatever. Mm-hmm. And so that's about physical growth in the 20 years from 45 to 65 are about soul growth. So when you think about getting through this period, you know, some women might go through the pre menopause menopause thing very quickly.

ve it than when you enter it [: 00:01:00

Laurin: Hello friends, and welcome back to Curiously Wise. I'm Laurin Wittig, your host, and today I have Dr. Andrea Slominski, a k a, Dr. A, which is a little easier to remember. I think I left out one of her middle names, but she's going to be with us today and she is. Fascinating. We had a, a call a couple of months ago just to see if we wanted to have this, and I, I was totally like, didn't want to stop talking at that time.

So we get to talk a little more in depth today and I'm really looking forward to it. Dr. Slominski, no. Dr. A is a women's midlife coach, speaker and author. Dr. A's coaching addresses the deep work of meaning, purpose, and belonging, which can shift during midlife. In her dissertation research and study, she explored the new life stage for women that emerged over the past 120 years.

regency and [: 00:02:00

Her work is rooted in the principles of depth and archetypal psychology. She leads regent women to reclaim their passions, develop their purpose, and rediscover their true north. She inspires her clients to live their most authentic lives, to serve the greater good. She has shared her passion for mentoring midlife women at conferences, workshops, summits, and corporate events.

ince starting her practice in: 2015

[00:03:00] You just have so much to bring to the, the conversation. And I am in the regency as most people I know are in my early sixties. And I kind of wish I had found you back when you started ‘cause it might have helped with that menopausal thing, you know?

Andrea: Yes, yes. Well, thank you for that introduction and thank you for having me.

Mm-hmm. As you said, we had talked a few months ago and it was just a fantastic conversation and I'm thrilled to be here. As I said in the email, I don't know how I just met somebody I've known all my life, so Yes.

Laurin: Yeah, no, I felt the same way. And, and so I'm really, I'm really happy that we, you know, have set this up to do a more in-depth and more, you know, and a shareable version of that conversation.

d why you came to that, that [: 00:04:00

Andrea: you know it's interesting because, you know, when you're in academia and you're doing things like trying to, you know, write a dissertation or whatever, you have people that are advising you.

And I went back and forth and back and forth and wrestled with my dissertation chair on the name for what I'm calling a new life stage and. The, I'm not the first person to, to talk about this certainly, but it just really floored me in, in my research. And of course I was kind of going through that sort of midlife transition at the time I was in school, and there are some women that call it queen, some women that call it you know, your queendom, your queen of yourself.

s, buying me things, drawing [: 00:05:00

You know, I, when I think of Queen, I think really of sort of that royal. Mm-hmm. Now Regency itself, of course it was a historical period, but yeah, that's what I know it from. Yeah. I'm trying to sort of, to, to reclaim the word a little bit in this, in this fact that a regent. It does have to do with ruling, but a regent is someone who rules in the stead of someone else who's to come, right?

Mm-hmm. So a regent a regent queen or a regent king or a regent ruler might be someone who was ruling the state until say, a young child grew up that was going to inherit the throne or that kind of thing. Mm-hmm. And so to me, a region is someone who can rule, who can make decisions, who can you know, move forward in her life, who wants to have sovereignty or has sovereignty over her choices, and her thinking and her perspective and her life.

t woman is holding space for [: 00:06:00

You're mothering your career yourself, your friends, your siblings, possibly your aging parents. Mm-hmm. Possibly all of the above. And so we're giving lots of time and energy to building and creating our first individual home, maybe outside of the home we grew up in. We're making our place in the world.

es like puts us into the box [: 00:07:00

Right. So So the householder years, I think really describes that time of, of creating our own home, our own life, our going out in the world. Yeah. And so once we've spent those 25 or 30 years tending all of those other gardens, right. Some of them ours, some of them others. When we hit perimenopause and midlife, we are interacting with two, actually three very huge transformations.

The first is the pre-programmed physical changes, of course, that happen with premenopause and menopause. Mm-hmm. The second is the pre-programmed life stage shift midlife, which is pre-programmed into the human psyche, the same way that menopause or perimenopause is pre-programmed into the body. And then women going through those two things at once often find that it creates a spiritual shift.

Which is a third [: 00:08:00

Shifts from, and it shifts from caring to others to thinking about ourselves, which is a very natural shift. And we start to think about, who am I now? What do I want to do now? And there's all different kinds of transitions because all women are unique in terms of what women struggle with potentially at this time of life.

he end of one career or a, a [: 00:09:00

I mean, there's so many different transitions that come, but I've found that women in this transition are really saying, okay, now it's my turn. Mm-hmm. After all this time, putting all this energy into lots of other things, now it's time to put my energy into me and figure out who I am now and what I want to do.

Yeah. So to me, the, the, the Regent woman is, is at the point where she's saying, okay, I'm now going to make some decisions for myself. I'm capable of making decisions. I have all my career experience, all my life experience, all my wisdom, all of the things that I've learned and, and come to experience and understand in my life.

igure out what I want to do. [: 00:10:00

Yeah. Yeah, it's an explanation. I'm really sorry. No, no,

Laurin: no. It's, it's, I, I mean, it's, it all makes sense to me. I have, I have gone through what I term a hellacious, perimenopause, menopause, 13 years of massive, you know, hot flashes and mood swings and all that lovely fun stuff. Mm-hmm. And coming out the other side, one of the things that I tell people, women that are going through that is that I noticed about two years after I was officially, you know, post-menopausal or whatever the proper term is I had a clarity of thinking, clarity in my brain.

e to kind of settle away and [: 00:11:00

Yeah. You know, there wasn't that crowding in my brain of who's gotta be where, when, you know, how many are for supper, what do I need to do for my mom? I gotta go visit her today and talk to the doctor and, you know, that kind of stuff. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And it's such a freeing time when you suddenly And scary, I will say scary ‘cause I didn't, like you said, I didn't know who I was, who I wanted to be, what I was passionate about.

And that took a coup that was, and I think that couple of years of finally clearing things out. But it, it's something that I think probably we all do to a lesser or greater degree.

psychological and, and, and.[: 00:12:00

Tracking how you're feeling and what's going on in your life. I think all women experience this to some degree. Mm-hmm. Some less, some more, some have more issues with the physical, some more with the psychological, some more with the spiritual, because we're, we all go through it so uniquely and that's what makes it so difficult in a sense to treat, so to speak.

Right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Of course, you know, , the pathological or the pathologizing of menopause into an illness and midlife into an illness and all of these things into illnesses mm-hmm. Is part of the issue. But that would be for another day. But, but I think part of what is so unique about our generation and really starting with boomers and then late boomers and everyone coming behind us, and we talked a little bit about this a couple months ago, is that, and this is what really stunned me in my research, is that we are the first generations of women.

istory of humanity. Let that [: 00:13:00

So No. So statistically entire generations were not living past menopause. Yeah. Not an experience that we were having as generations. So as women's lifespan expanded, and now we're living to the eighties, nineties, 100, whatever, we now have this, this life stage. That has completely solidified and emerged, which is say from [00:14:00] 50 to 70 or 50 to 80.

Mm-hmm. And you have to add to that, that transition period, which is why I push it down to 40, 45. Yeah. Because women start going through perimenopause very individually at different times of their lives. And so, yes, I was

Laurin: 39. Yeah. It can

Andrea: start in as early as the mid, mid to late thirties and as late as the mid fifties.

Yeah. So so this new life stages has emerged and it's here, and there's no maps, there are no models, there's no, there's, there's nothing to follow as far as how to live it, how to move through it, how to recreate yourself, what it means to be post-menopausal or, or nearly menopausal, and say, okay.

d. Now what? Now what? Yeah. [: 00:15:00

Yeah. And these are all, these are all great spaces of deep work in terms of looking at, okay, what, what do you want to do? Where are you going to find now you're meaning your purpose and your belonging. Mm-hmm. And this is what I mean by deep work. Mm-hmm. Because there's a, there's a lot that goes on.

rmonal cascade is very, like [: 00:16:00

Childhood in terms of, of, of how you're set up. And so you have the young girl who's one in herself, you know, before she, you know, has menses and before she goes out into the world to have relationships and, and develop a life and whatever. And so it's really kind of no wonder at this time that it comes full circle.

We, and we look back and say, okay, now it's my time, it's time for me. So, yeah.

Laurin: Yeah. It is, it, it is interesting. I, I don't know why, but lately I've been thinking back to, to me before, you know, menses and I was a spitfire, you know, I was smart and I knew it, and I, you know, and I was, I was. I could conquer anything I wanted to at that point in my head at least.

And then why would

Andrea: go

Laurin: ahead and then I lost that somewhere along the way. Yep. So

things that we do, which is [: 00:17:00

What did you love to do? What did, what did you do that put you into that flow state where time passed and you didn't know it, you know? Mm-hmm. Whether you were out in the, in the woods, building forts with friends and playing pretend and all these kind of things. And the next thing you know, you hear your mother screaming dinner, you know, whatever or whatever it was as, as a child that you did, whether it was read or art or, yeah.

Laurin: For me it was reading. I totally lose track of everything. Yeah.

Andrea: Whatever, whatever it was. And, and we say, okay, let's, let's look at that because. We're the sum total of all the people that we've ever been, right? And so if we look at our, life as I coach my clients to do as our narrative, our story, , our personal myth, our own mythology, the mythology of our life, right?

adolescent, the mother, the [: 00:18:00

At that time that either enthralled us or that we struggled with or Yeah. But how, how it informed our story and, and our self assumptions and our, our, our self image. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, going back to, to those those passions of the essential you, right? Mm-hmm. When that was building you know, before you went out into the world and had to, you know, modify yourself and, and adjust those sorts of things.

e idea that when, when we're [: 00:19:00

Mm-hmm. And that, that, that dayon is constantly nudging you towards, towards what it is that you want to fulfill. And so I think at this age, we get to maybe go back and really try to reconnect consciously with that. Yeah. And try to Okay that, who am I now? What do I want to do? How does it contribute to the greater good?

Yes. That kinda a thing.

Laurin: Yeah. The greater good is a phrase I find myself using a lot. It's like, you know, we should be thinking about the greater good. We should be working for the greater good. And it is a very, it is much more outward focused. Purpose, I think rather than I gotta keep my kids alive, I gotta keep my kids educated.

I gotta [: 00:20:00

Andrea: my parents. Well, you know, you know, and raising educated, you know, children is always a good thing for the greater good, you know, in general. True in terms of like, there's, there's a real dichotomy in our culture, I think, between the idea of, of the culture of the individual, right?

Mm-hmm. Like I have to do what I'm going to do for me and what's best for me and what I want to do and what makes me fulfilled. And I think it's, it's really possible to do both. I think it's possible to reach a certain age with your experience and your wisdom, and doing the deep work of your self self-knowledge to be able to say, yes, I can be my most fulfilled, authentic self.

And in doing that, I am serving the greater good. Yeah. As opposed to Being an energy, I don't an energy hoarder or a consumerist hoarder. Yeah. Or however you want to think of it. You know? Yeah.

me just in the last week or [: 00:21:00

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, and so much of what I do from a spiritual point of view for myself, I then bring into the world either through these conversations or working with, with clients or just. Being a, you know, a, a happy person out in the, in this world where people are not very happy just bringing that, that energy, that lift anywhere you go.

And so that's, yeah. And it's not something I think I had the space to even think about doing until the last 10 years or so.

Andrea: Well, yeah. It's difficult, you know, and so many women now are who, who decide to actually have children or, or raise children whether they birth them or adopt 'em or whatever.

life stage. Right. Which is [: 00:22:00

You know Yeah. To, to be feeling the pull to regency, but still have, be, have kids in grade school

Laurin: in that, in that

Andrea: householder stage. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and that is, is a big challenge for, you know, for women who are later moms. I mean, you know, to be starting to go through the perimenopausal shift and, and you have a kid in eighth grade, it's like, wait a minute, you know, this, or sixth grade or fifth grade or, or kindergarten, whatever, you know?

t as kind of a little side by: 2030

Wow. Women, women in this age range control over 90% of the discretionary spending in the US economy. And that would be everything from grocery stores to clothing to car purchases. Mm-hmm. To furniture, to vacations, to that is okay. I just want to

Laurin: say that's so interesting to me because I feel like when I hit about 40, I disappeared from advertising.

You know, there was nothing aimed at me anymore. It was either the elderly with the, with the, you know, the health problems mm-hmm. Or the youth who, you know, ha would buy all the new stuff. I don't know.

Andrea: Well, this is the thing is that w this is a new, this is a whole new life stage. It's a whole new demographic, you know, a, a as a cohort, it's a new demographic.

e amount of political power. [: 00:24:00

Whether we're looking at need, want, and desire for ourselves, need, want and desire to create a sustainable for the world economy, a sustainable world. Mm-hmm. Oh my gosh. Think that's, that's exciting. It's very exciting. Think about 87 million women. In the US who want their kids to have clean air, clean water, a livable planet good education, good healthcare, what whatever issue it is mm-hmm.

etaphorically, conceptually, [: 00:25:00

Right. Hmm. And organize. So I think there's a lot of exciting potential. Yeah. Yeah. That's 7 million people voting for, for, for one particular thing or, or organizing around one particular thing could make a lot of change pretty quickly. Yeah.

Laurin: Yeah. Or even just 87 million people all working for the greater good in whatever way they do that.

That would alone, even if we don't. You know, sort of coalesce around certain things. Yeah. That's huge. And of course, and I think we probably talked about this the last time we talked, that immediately brings to mind for me, the women's march. Mm-hmm. And how, how many people showed up. And then there were the rest of us that didn't get there, but were still holding space with it.

my own children were there. [: 00:26:00

Sort of, I think how we evolved. Yeah. And I know that you have a community that I definitely want to join. I had one pre pandemic called the Wise Women's Circle, which was a lifesaving I. Place for me in the last few years of, of my

Andrea: hormonal ups and downs. That's the transformation. Yep. Yes. And

Laurin: my, my insanity stage.

But and, and it's one of the things that I keep thinking that I need to, I need to bring back either in that form or just bring, create something new, but a community for women to come together in. What's

how to recreate that pre c o [: 00:27:00

Situation, you know? You can't really tell how big my office is, but I can. I used to do workshops with like 10 women in here. Mm-hmm. Like you know, during the week and we would talk about different things, mythologically and I see clients here and that kind of thing. And then of course with everything that happened, everything went online and it is really altered the psyche mm-hmm.

You know, of, of how we interact, how we do business, how we see each other. And, and so I did keep the Women's Wisdom Village, which is one of the things that I do, which is an online gathering. I'm not doing one in January, ‘cause January is my fellow month. But fellow for external, but lots going on inside.

hological standpoint, usually[: 00:28:00

To sort of the, the universal so that we get more of a perspective that what we're going through is a very personal experience of a universal rite of passage. Yeah. And so working with myth as a cultural mythologist, that's what I do. I work with women's mythologies in helping women transition these particular issues that might come up.

so I don't want to announce [: 00:29:00

Mm-hmm. Any new initiatives or whatever. Cause I don't want to like, you know, say something and then not do it.

Laurin: Right. Yeah. I'm I'm bad about blurting it out before I've thought it through, so,

Andrea: but yeah, so it's it's a, the, it's a time, you know, this regency period is a time of really incredible transformation.

And the thing is, is that women think about, oh, you know, it's premenopause, it's menopause. I want to get through it, I want to be done. It, women will change as much. From the, the 45 to 65 in those 20 years as they did in their first 20 years. Mm-hmm. The first 20 years are about physical growth and those are the markers.

are about soul growth. [: 00:30:00

Mm-hmm. Other women, their physical and psychological shift takes much longer. But, but that regency period, you are going to be a very different person when you leave it than when you enter it. Right. Yeah.

Laurin: Yeah. I already am. I mean, I can see, and it's, it, it's still evolving. Every day I, I can see something different about myself and, and it's really, it's lovely to be able to have the space, the mental space, and the actually the physical space, ‘cause it's just me and my husband and our dog in this house now.

it's definitely a time that [: 00:31:00

Andrea: Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a time full of. Of loss, but it's also a time full of potential. Yeah. And it's a time when we are, have to let some things go and when some things change and we can, when we can bring some new things on. But it's, it's very individual for each person, and each woman goes through it differently, and each woman comes out the other side differently.

s to go through the physical [: 00:32:00

Some women just just go through it and do what others. Some women decide to go on hormone replacement therapy. Some women decide to do natural therapies. Some women decide to do whatever it is they decide to do in their self-care routine. And I support whatever any woman needs to do that feels right for them.

Mm-hmm. Obviously in concert with a physician, if they're doing right. Yeah. But it the, the, the change is going to happen. Right. And you're going to, and you're going to go through it if you're old enough and the psychological change is going to happen and you're going to go through it. And so it's best to go through it eyes wide open.

Yeah. In a sense, you know, of participating, influencing, you know, the experience and the outcome.

Laurin: Right? Yeah. And, and that's something that we really don't have in place. Yeah, and I, I, I happened to come from a family on both sides that had early deaths for the men in the family, but long lives for the women.

[: 00:33:00

And I was like, well, how, and they couldn't really explain it. I mean, there's the, the external things of the kids are growing up and they're more independent, even if they're still home and, you know, all that stuff. But they just, they, they couldn't really, none of nobody was able to explain it to me, but it was just like 50 was a marker for, for change.

And, and a positive change as far as all of them were concerned. Yeah. And I damned if I didn't experience that too, you know? But I think I can explain it a little better these days. Can you talk about what archetypal psychology is?

I'm just fascinated by that term.

Andrea: Okay. So archetypal psychology is

is, is a term [: 00:34:00

And so archetypes are the best way I can describe it is, is there they are structures or they are forms that exist in the collective consciousness of humanity. Okay. The, so we're talking about maybe the collective unconscious of humanity. Mm-hmm. And they're so let's say that the. This is the best way I've found to describe kind of what it, what the form of, or the structure of an archetype is.

Let's say you see a crystal [: 00:35:00

Mm-hmm. Right? And even though you can't see how the structure of the salt will will grow, when the water dissolves, every time you boil the water off, the structure of the salt will form the exact same way. Mm-hmm. Cause of, of its essential molecular pattern. Okay. And then it, right. And so every time salt is this molecular pattern, so an art type.

al in structure that we fill [: 00:36:00

But they all are images that fit within the archetypal structure of mother, right? Okay. Yeah. There's the wise old man. That's an archetype. The eternal child is an archetype. The Theron, right. The ancient crone is an archetype. Mm-hmm. All of the gods and goddesses of the ancient mythologies [00:37:00] are all images that come from these archetypal forms.

Hmm. And the images change slightly depending on which culture you're talking about mother from. Mm-hmm. Or which culture you're talking about father from, right? Mm-hmm. Or for instance, the there's the archetype of, if we look at the Greek tradition the Greek. Mythological tradition, the archetype of mother.

There's a number of different mothers mm-hmm. In that tradition, in, in the mythological stories. But if we take the archetype of Demeter, right? Okay. She's the goddess. She's the goddess of the grain and the things that grow on the earth. She's the mother of Persephone. She brings forth the bounty of the earth.

we have sort of the idea of, [: 00:38:00

There's all, you can't have one aspect of the archetype without, without its other side coming with it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, but also when Demeter is in mourning over losing Persephone, To Hades when he abducts her into the underworld she abandons her her goddess mandate to bring forth the, the earth.

're not getting too far into [: 00:39:00

Mm-hmm. And, and she's another aspect of Demeter Demeter's, the mother CO's the daughter. Mm-hmm. Right? It's the two types. Of that relationship. So she then becomes the queen of the underworld because she eats the fruit of the underworld, the pomegranate, which represents ripening sexuality on some levels.

Mm-hmm. So she becomes the queen of the underworld, but then because of what happens in the myth, and without getting too far into the story mm-hmm. She ends up returning to the upper world out of the underworld for half of the world. And when she returns it's spring mm-hmm. The return of spring is the return of Persephone.

depth psychology what we do [: 00:40:00

Influencing or leading you at this time? Who, whose mythological story are you living? Hmm? What myth are you living right now? Right. And if you can show or help someone by saying, for example, if someone is having a terrible time with Empty nest, if a woman's having a terrible time with Empty Nest, we can take and look at the story of Demeter and we can say, let's look at this perspective.

ppened to her. Let's see how [: 00:41:00

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. In terms of of these ancient peoples. Yeah. And how to, how to dis understand your place in the world. How, as Joseph Campbell would say, How did the universe come into being? How does it work? How does it operate? How did I come [00:42:00] into being? What's my relationship to the universe? How, how does the mythology that I live under, that I live within tell me how to be, how to grow up, how to be a part of my culture?

How does the mythology that I live under give us the rules, the dos and don'ts, the agreed principles of living a good life? Hmm. And how does the mythology that I live under show me how to live a good, fulfilling and authentic life from the time I'm born to the time I leave? Yeah. Right. What are the stories that, that, that show me how to get through these difficult or impossible situations?

And so when we look at these archetypal situations that we all find ourselves in, once again, I go back to we're living a very personal. Experience of a universal rite of passage. Yeah. Yeah.

ere's a book i, I referenced [: 00:43:00

And it's and I can't even remember who wrote it, but it's about how our brains are actually wired to learn from stories.

Andrea: Well, from the minute we're born, we construct narratives. Yeah. The narrative is very simply, you know, I'm reductive here, but whatever is to say, you know, when we're a child, we cry and the mother comes and the breast comes and we eat and we're hungry, or we're wet, or we cry.

We cry, and they come. We cry and they come. So that's the, the cause and effect, the narrative begins there. Mm-hmm. Right. That's the first chapter in the story, right? Mm-hmm. And then from there, Basically we interact with the world and we see not only cause and effect, but how the world affects us, how we affect the world, how we navigate through our world in relationship to other things and what those relationships are.

And it's all based on [: 00:44:00

Mm-hmm. Right? These these patterns can become established. Very, very early in our lives, and they form our self assumptions. Yeah. And we believe what we tell ourselves about ourselves and other people believe us. Mm-hmm. What we tell them about ourselves. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And so if we can look at these patterns and say, and identify them right, then we can understand them and we can choose to either acknowledge them and try to build something new, right?

Mm-hmm.[: 00:45:00

It's all pretty particular to the individual, so, yeah. Yeah.

Laurin: It's just, it's fascinating to me. I mean, I'm, I'm a novelist, so I, I, you know, and I've spent my childhood reading and reading and reading it. We only had three channels on the television anyway. You know, it's like, but so story is very I was going to say, meaningful to me.

It's very, it's a big part of my life is just this idea of story. And it comes up in so many ways. Even in my energy work, I find stories in people's energy. Mm-hmm. And well, you know, it's so interesting.

drea: Clear. Absolutely. And [: 00:46:00

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We didn't watch stories. We didn't, you know, I mean, we listened in terms of somebody telling us, but Right. There's, there's something that. Essential that has really been lost in that either familial connection or community connection of sitting around and listening to these ancient stories that are based in the the human connection of the experiences of living a human life, good and bad, you know?

and beautiful and easy. And, [: 00:47:00

Laurin: easy?

Andrea: Stop. Stop. That's not, that's not, That's not mythic thinking, you know? Right. It's just funny. But so, you know, there's something to be said about you know, not sitting around and passing down these stories, these tales, these even the, what they call the, like the old wives tales, the, the, the folk tales.

They all have within them these nuggets of, of truth and yeah. These nuggets of of illumination. Mm-hmm. In terms of, you know, what it means to, to wake up and, and see your situation arch tightly and say, oh, you know. Yeah. I always like to say, oh, Aphrodite is visiting.

Artemis is visiting. [: 00:48:00

But that idea, right? That idea of home and hearth, right? That's hesia energy, right? And just sit in that like in the holidays and just really soak it in. Or the idea of, I don't know, for example, I dunno, a couple months ago, right before Christmas, I live in California, and so I was outside walking and where we live, the trees, if they turn, turn very late.

reds and the purples and the [: 00:49:00

Bright blue, autumn, sky. Mm-hmm. And the colors of the leaves against. And I just stopped and it just like, it just like took my breath away. Mm-hmm. How beautiful it was and dynamic and alive and that. Is Aphrodite, because the Aphrodite, not only is she just sexuality and that kind of, but she's all the ephemeral beauty in the world.

p into this huge perspective [: 00:50:00

Of, of, of living life. Not only on a personal level, but seeing it on sort of a more universal, universal, cosmic mythic level. And it helps us understand the beauty, but also get through the really difficult times because we're not the only ones. Right. Who lived through difficult times.

Laurin: Right. We are so isolated from each other.

I mean, the pandemic particularly made that clear, but even before that, we, we don't live in the big extended families anymore. We'd move away from wherever our, you know, we grew up, that kind of thing. Mm-hmm. And so I know that in many ways that loss of connection to, to your elders and to the people coming behind you and the village of people at all different ages and experiences, you lose that understanding that you're not the only one going through this ‘cause you don't see the other people, you know, we're all like, oh, I'm fine.

Yes. That, that connection. [: 00:51:00

Yeah. Of the, not the nuclear family, the extended family. Yeah. Right. Multi two generations lived in the same house or in the same neighborhood or whatever. Yeah. And so we got into the single family home. Yeah. And then we got huge numbers of women in the 1950s going through depression and isolation because no longer are they all going to the metaphoric well together.

Right, right, right. How wonderful they are. Are they all going to the river to wash their clothes metaphorically together? Right, right. That sense of community. Community. Right. Community. Yeah. Yeah. And that, that sense of isolation and that idea of the individualism becoming greater than the collective.

ok it to the absolute, yeah. [: 00:52:00

I know where you are. Right. Let me give you two coins for, for, for the, for to, to make sure you can cross back out to give to, that's

Laurin: very, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I, I first became aware of the power of a cohort, I guess I want to call it, when I was in college, my dad's alcoholism was, you know, crescendoing and I didn't know why I was depressed.

And somehow the universe just led me to a group that a dean ran on campus for those of us who were children of alcoholics. Yeah. Yeah. And to, to suddenly know that there were 25 of us in here, and we are all having the same. Experience, not in identical ways, but we all are dealing with the same shit.

Andrea: You're [: 00:53:00

Laurin: is real. Other people experience it, other people have moved through it and I too can do that. Yes. And this group will help me do that. Yes. And

Andrea: that for me is color in the collective. Yes, yes. Yeah.

Laurin: I mean, I was 20 years old and I was like, well, this is really useful.

So I think that's probably a lot of what informed my wise, wo women group was I just needed going into the spiritual part of my life. I needed a cohort for that so that I didn't feel like the weirdo,

Andrea: you know? Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Because you just think, you think, and this happens to women in perimenopause and midlife and menopause.

I mean, the taboo is, is a little bit, is dissolving a little bit around talking about menopause, but still not fully, you know, the period, the midlife thing. And

Laurin: it's like we don't talk about periods

ng that you don't talk about [: 00:54:00

Like, I, like, I, I don't want to tell people that, that, that, that the life that was felt great to me last week, that I hate this week. Mm-hmm. Because they're going to think I'm, I'm broken or crazier. Right. Or ungrateful or, or spoiled or whatever, you know? Yeah. That, that, that you know, that all of a sudden like, my body was this and now it's that.

Or I feel like you know, what fit last week doesn't fit this week. You know? Right. I mean, I remember when I went through it and, and for a number of reasons, I, I kind of went into instant menopause, which. I'm, I have a book coming out, so it, that whole story will be in there, but Okay. But I woke up one day and I was like, who are you people and what are you doing in my house?

u can all pound sand. I was, [: 00:55:00

And, and, and you know, my doctor didn't warn me when he took me on. He took me, he had me, long story short, he had me on the birth control pill af from the time I was 38 when I had my last child to the time I was 50 to, so I wouldn't ovulate because my mother had ovarian cancers. Okay. And I think that that's part of what happens.

So the. When the egg bursts out of the ovary mm-hmm. That potentially where the ovary heals over is potentially where that unmitigated growth begins. So he didn't want me to ovulate, so he takes me off it. But no warnings. No, no, no flashing lights, no guardrails about the locomotive coming down the track about to flag nothing.

Yeah. You know, and it was [: 00:56:00

Laurin: I had 13 years of serious

Andrea: hot, hot

Laurin: classes. Exactly. I ended up going on h r t for six years ‘cause it was that, or I was going to go crazy for lack of sleep.

Andrea: Yeah, yeah. It affects all our entire system. Yeah. Our entire system. And so you know, the whole situation. It's like you said, it's like realizing that you're not the only, you're not alone, you're not broken, you're not crazy. Crazy. Right. And that you're entering into something that is way bigger than you as an individual.

a specific desired outcome. [: 00:57:00

Yeah. On your way to getting there. But it's a process. It's a, it's a process of growth. It's a process of of creating something new. I mean, the caterpillar is completely devoured. Yeah. By the process of becoming a butterfly. Yeah. I mean, completely devoured. You know, nothing in nature in the natural world is born or transformed without first going through complete darkness.

mational darkness. Yeah. And [: 00:58:00

Laurin: moving. I think that's a great place to stop.

That was awesome. Don't sit down, keep moving. Keep moving. Yeah. You got no

Andrea: choice. You gotta get through it, right? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Step in or avoid it. You just gotta have to go through it, sit down, you're going to forget who you are, and that's it. Yes. Oh gosh,

Laurin: that was awesome.

Andrea: All right.

Laurin: Okay. I have the one question that I've been asking is, is there a book that impacted you that you'd like to share with us?

And I think you have several

Andrea: there. Yes, I have several, and I'm sorry I can't choose just one, but I'll, one of the, the, the most accessible, I think, and probably many of your listeners have already heard of it or read it, is is women Who Run With the Wolves. Mm-hmm. You can tell how much I love it.

l my markers. Right? This is [: 00:59:00

Again, you can see these are all

Laurin: well influential noted.

Andrea: Yeah. Influential women writers. Dr. Jeanette Perry, pagan Grace. She's written a number of different books, and she, these a lot of these talk about archetypes and, and archetypal influences, so. Mm-hmm. This is, this is hers. And then the final one is is by Marion Woodman.

me of them dealing more with [: 01:00:00

His work. But revisioning psychology is probably his most classic. But yeah, those, those are the ones I just that gives

Laurin: us a good starting place.

Andrea: Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Laurin: Good, good. Alright, well I think that we are just about at the end of our time here. Can you let the listeners know where to find you?

Andrea: Yes. Yeah, absolutely. You can find me on my website, which is www dot dr andrea slowinski.com, which I'm sure hopefully you'll put it in the, it'll be in the, in the show notes. Yeah, absolutely. It'll be easier to find. So it's www.drandreaslowinski.com. I'm also on Facebook. I'm also on Instagram.

com. If you're interested in [: 01:01:00

And I have different, different programs at different price points. Also I did put together a couple little special things for your listeners. I have a book on the myth of Aria Anthes, which is a really great little book for women who are going through a transition where they feel that they might have been disrespected, abandoned, or otherwise mistreated in their lives.

And it gives you sort of an insight through that myth into moving forward from that. Hmm. And then also on my website, and you'll have the link is a journal that's called The seven realms of change, which covers the seven different realms of change that women will have to cross through perimenopause, midlife, and menopause.

t's a journal that helps you [: 01:02:00

We'll have that. And then for the heroin's path, which is my 12 week coaching program I do have a few very low cost discounted scholarship programs available, but if they're interested in doing that on the scholarship program, once again, they have to book a, a call with me and we'll talk about it.

Mm-hmm. So. Those are opportunities there. The Women's Wisdom Village is once a month and that's pay what you can from five to $15. So that's very inexpensive. Yeah, that's a deal. Jump jump on there and see how I work with particular myths. See if you like it, I will be there. Yeah, yeah. Ask questions, whatever.

Yeah, so I'm out there in [: 01:03:00

Laurin: never sleep.

We'd just

Andrea: talk, talk, talk, talk. Yes. We'd solve all the world's problems in a weekend. That's right. All right. Well do

Laurin: I do thank you for being here with us today, Andrea, and yeah. I'm sure that we could continue this conversation for hours and hours and hours with no problem at all, but I think we've brought some media ideas and information to people and I do hope the listeners if you're, especially if you're in that, that.

Age group that she focuses on. I know I could have definitely benefited from some coaching through, especially through the, the, the middle part of my min perimenopausal years. So yeah, reach out to her, have a conversation with her, join her mailing list. I'll see you maybe in, in the Wisdom, what do you call it?

The wisdom's,

Andrea: the [: 01:04:00

Laurin: That one. The Women's Wisdom Village.

Andrea: Yeah. I look forward to it. Yeah.

Laurin: Yeah, me too. So thanks again. Thank you. So I will hope, I hope to see you listeners on YouTube or on the podcast next week. And we come out with a new episode every week. And in the meantime, stay curious

Thank you so much for joining us today on curiously wise If you enjoyed this episode, Please be sure to subscribe. So you don't miss future fabulous conversations. And if you had any ahas, please share them in a review on apple podcasts so we can continue to pay forward the unique wisdom we all have. If you want to know more about me or my intuitive energy healing practice Heartlight Wellness.

Please head over to my website. www.heartlightjoy.com. Curiously Wise is a team effort. Our audio engineer is Sam Wittig. Our music is Where the Light Is by Lemon Music Studio.

I'm Laurin Wittig. Please join me again next week. For another episode of curiously wise, eyes from my heart to yours, may your life be filled with love, light joy, and of course, curiosity.